Reflections

Steven Colborne's Philosophical Theology Blog


Feeling Anger Towards God

I feel as though I have lived a miserable life and that no one in the world cares about me at all. This makes me feel angry at God. The King is of course responsible for the mental health system in which I have been abused so badly, but why has God not acted to bring change or alleviate my burdens?

While I know that we have to look at the present life in relation to eternity and paradise, I am stuck in an impossible situation again and am being abused terribly again. I’m so sick of it all. And I think everyone wants me dead, including probably you. No one at all gives even the slightest bit of love to me. Self pity. Whatever.

Fuck it all. I hate life.



2 responses to “Feeling Anger Towards God”

  1. Grace to you and peace from God the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.

    I hope that you are not ignorant of the meaning of “grace” and “peace,” since these terms occur frequently in Paul and are easy to understand. But since we are taking it upon ourselves to expound this epistle—something we are doing, not because it is necessary or because the epistle is very difficult but in order to confirm our consciences against future heresies—it should not bore you if we repeat here what we teach, preach, sing, and write at other times and places. For if we lose the doctrine of justification, we lose simply everything. Hence the most necessary and important thing is that we teach and repeat this doctrine daily, as Moses says about his Law (Deut. 6:7). For it cannot be grasped or held enough or too much. In fact, though we may urge and inculcate it vigorously, no one grasps it perfectly or believes it with all his heart. So frail is our flesh and so disobedient to the Spirit!

    The apostle’s greeting is new to the world and had never been heard before the proclamation of the Gospel. Grace and peace—these two words embrace the whole of Christianity. Grace forgives sin, and peace stills the conscience. The two devils who plague us are sin and conscience, the power of the Law and the sting of sin (1 Cor. 15:56). But Christ has conquered these two monsters and trodden them underfoot, both in this age and in the age to come. The world does not know this; therefore it cannot teach anything sure about how to overcome sin, conscience, and death. Only Christians have this kind of teaching and are equipped and armed with it, so that they can overcome sin, despair, and eternal death. It is a teaching that is given only by God; it does not proceed from free will, nor was it invented by human reason or wisdom.

    These two words, “grace” and “peace,” contain a summary of all of Christianity. Grace contains the forgiveness of sins, a joyful peace, and a quiet conscience. But peace is impossible unless sin has first been forgiven, for the Law accuses and terrifies the conscience on account of sin. And the sin that the conscience feels cannot be removed by pilgrimages, vigils, labors, efforts, vows, or any other works; in fact, sin is increased by works. The more we work and sweat to extricate ourselves from sin, the worse off we are. For there is no way to remove sin except by grace. This deserves careful notice. For the words are easy; but in temptation it is the hardest thing possible to be surely persuaded in our hearts that we have the forgiveness of sins and peace with God by grace alone, entirely apart from any other means in heaven or on earth.

    Because the world does not understand this doctrine, it neither can nor will tolerate it. It brags about free will, about our powers, about our works—all these as means by which to earn and attain grace and peace, that is, the forgiveness of sins and a joyful conscience. But the conscience cannot be quiet and joyful unless it has peace through this grace, that is, through the forgiveness of sins promised in Christ. Many have worked hard, inventing various religious orders and disciplines, to find peace and a quiet conscience; but instead they have plunged even more deeply into even greater misery, for such tactics are merely ways of multiplying doubt and despair. Therefore your bones and mine will know no rest until we hear the Word of grace and cling to it firmly and faithfully. The apostle clearly distinguishes this grace and peace from any other kind of grace and peace. He wishes the Galatians grace and peace—not from Caesar or from kings and princes, for these usually persecute the pious and rise up against the Lord and against His Christ (Ps. 2:1); nor from the world, for “in the world,” Christ said, “you have tribulation” (John 16:33); but from God our Father. In other words, he wishes them a heavenly peace. So Christ says: “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you” (John 14:27).

    The world’s peace grants nothing except the peace of our property and of our bodies, so that we can live happily and peacefully in the flesh; and the world’s grace permits us to enjoy our property and does not deprive us of our possessions. But in trouble and in the hour of death the grace and peace of the world cannot help us or deliver us from trouble, despair, and death. But when the grace and peace of God are present, a man is so strong that he can bear both the cross and peace, both joy and sorrow. He is heartened by the victory that comes from the death of Christ. In his conscience the assurance of this victory begins to prevail over sin and death, for he has the guarantee of the forgiveness of sins. Once he has received this forgiveness, his conscience is gladdened and consoled. Thus when a man is consoled and encouraged by the grace of God—that is, by the forgiveness of sins and the peace of conscience—he can bravely endure and overcome all troubles, including even death itself. This peace of God is given only to those who believe and not to the world, for the world neither desires it nor understands it. And the only way it comes is by the grace of God alone.

    But why does the apostle add “and from our Lord Jesus Christ”? Did it not suffice to say “from God the Father”? Why does he link Jesus Christ with the Father? You have often heard from us that it is a rule and principle in the Scriptures, and one that must be scrupulously observed, to refrain from speculation about the majesty of God, which is too much for the human body, and especially for the human mind, to bear. “Man shall not see Me and live,” says Scripture (Ex. 33:20). The pope, the Turks, the Jews, and all the sectarians pay no attention to this rule. They put Christ the Mediator out of their sight, speak only of God, pray only to Him, and act only in relation to Him. The monk, for example, imagines this to himself: “The works I am doing are pleasing to God. God will look upon my vows, and on their account He will grant me salvation.” The Turk says: “If I live this way and bathe this way, God will accept me and give me eternal life.” The Jew thinks to himself: “If I obey the Law of Moses, I shall find God gracious to me, and so I shall be saved.” Thus the fanatics of our time boast about the Spirit, visions, and I do not know what other monstrous things; they go around in miracles beyond their comprehension. These new monks invent a new cross and new works, and they imagine that by performing these they will please God. In short, whoever does not know the doctrine of justification takes away Christ the Propitiator.

    But true Christian theology, as I often warn you, does not present God to us in His majesty, as Moses and other teachings do, but Christ born of the Virgin as our Mediator and High Priest. Therefore when we are embattled against the Law, sin, and death in the presence of God, nothing is more dangerous than to stray into heaven with our idle speculations, there to investigate God in His incomprehensible power, wisdom, and majesty, to ask how He created the world and how He governs it. If you attempt to comprehend God this way and want to make atonement to Him apart from Christ the Mediator, making your works, fasts, cowl, and tonsure the mediation between Him and yourself, you will inevitably fall, as Lucifer did (Is. 14:12), and in horrible despair lose God and everything. For as in His own nature God is immense, incomprehensible, and infinite, so to man’s nature He is intolerable. Therefore if you want to be safe and out of danger to your conscience and your salvation, put a check on this speculative spirit. Take hold of God as Scripture instructs you (1 Cor. 1:21, 24): “Since, in wisdom, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. We preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.” Therefore begin where Christ began—in the Virgin’s womb, in the manger, and at His mother’s breasts. For this purpose He came down, was born, lived among men, suffered, was crucified, and died, so that in every possible way He might present Himself to our sight. He wanted us to fix the gaze of our hearts upon Himself and thus to prevent us from clambering into heaven and speculating about the Divine Majesty.

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About STEVEN

Steven Colborne is an author, musician and counsellor living in the United Kingdom. On this blog he writes about philosophy, religion and spirituality and shares a variety of personal articles.

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Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind, and thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

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